"The old Dobey when he was… heavier, stick him at the back" – Joe Cullen picks his favorite football team of dart players

In the world of darts, it’s long been about more than just arrows and checkouts. Behind the scenes, away from the bright stage lights, players often show a very different side. That’s clear from a lighthearted, humorous chat with Joe Cullen, in which he and colleagues fantasize about an improvised five-a-side football team—naturally packed with familiar faces from the darts circuit.

The conversation starts playfully, with a nod to Nathan Aspinall, who, according to the lore, once played as a goalkeeper. Cullen responds with a wink and mild skepticism to Winmau Darts. “I don’t believe that… he had trials once — apparently,” he jokes, before still naming him his number one. “You’ve got Nathan Aspinall in goal.”

Next up is the young phenomenon Luke Littler. Cullen clearly admires his qualities, though this time it’s not about trebles and doubles. “Littler likes to play, so I’ll have him… he’s left-footed as well, I think, so he looks a bit classy.” In the imagined team, Littler is handed a key role: “Littler in midfield — he’s the one doing all the work, spreading it about.”

Cullen himself sees a place up front, though he jokes about it with a healthy dose of self-deprecation. “Yeah, I’m in there. Definitely, I’m in there… you’ve got me up top doing nothing.” It’s exactly this humour that makes Cullen a fan favourite: razor-sharp at the oche, but always up for a laugh away from it.

Ross Smith also gets a prominent role in the team. According to Cullen, Smith is the man who “pulls the strings,” as he puts it: “Ross Smith just pulling the strings.” It’s no surprise given Smith’s reputation as a controlled and technically sound darter.

Perhaps the most comical moment centres on Chris Dobey. Cullen draws a line between the current Dobey and an older, heavier version of the player. “The old Dobey when he was… heavier,” he laughs, before doubling down: “Stick him at the back — he’s not the most mobile, is he?” It sparks laughter and once again underscores the camaraderie within darts, where players rib each other without mercy, yet always with a wink.

Not everyone makes the squad. Jonny Clayton is left out due to an alleged rugby injury. “You can’t have Jonny — he’s rugby injured,” Cullen says, summing it up in typically throwaway fashion.

The end result is a colourful ensemble. “That’s it, isn’t it? Me, Ross, Dobey, Nathan and Littler,” Cullen confirms. Aspinall in goal, Dobey in defence, Smith as the playmaker, Littler in midfield, and Cullen himself in attack. A team that might not look like title contenders on paper, but one that guarantees entertainment—just as these players do time and again on the oche.

The conversation wraps with a wink at the outfits the players wore at a recent event in Sheldon. “I thought it looked good,” comes one comment, but Cullen isn’t entirely convinced: “Well, you don’t think so?”

This snippet shows that top players like Cullen and his colleagues don’t just excel at their sport, but also know how to have fun. It’s precisely that blend of professionalism and personality that makes the darts scene so accessible—and so beloved by a growing audience.