“When I lose at a World Championship, it feels like a loved one has died” – Raymond van Barneveld speaks candidly about his mental battle

Raymond van Barneveld has spoken candidly about the mental battle that has troubled him in recent years. The five-time world champion acknowledges that disappointing results leave their mark not only in sporting terms, but also have a major impact on his self-confidence. In the ShowBird podcast, the 59-year-old from The Hague explains how negative thoughts increasingly take over and how he still hopes to find his way back up.

Van Barneveld is going through a difficult spell on the oche. His performances have been inconsistent in recent seasons, costing him ground in the world rankings. He sees his own mindset as his biggest opponent. “I grew up fairly sheltered. I’ve always been overly afraid of things,” says Van Barneveld. “I was easily impressed by everything.”

Although Van Barneveld tried several sports, he only truly found his passion when he first held a set of darts. “I tried various sports, for example football. Well, I was absolutely hopeless at that. Then at some point I got three darts in my hands and that went pretty well. So every time I take a tumble, and that’s happened regularly in recent years, I go back to that little boy from back then. Like: see, you’re no good at all. You can’t do anything in life. That’s what I told myself.”

According to Van Barneveld, those feelings have only grown stronger in recent years. He often spoke about it publicly, and his comments drew a lot of attention. “People make a mockery of it.”

By that he refers in part to his much-discussed interview after his elimination at the 2019 World Championship, when he said that “life has no meaning anymore.”

Now, Van Barneveld looks back on that period with more distance. “But at that moment I was going through a divorce,” Van Barneveld explains. “I had no idea what my future would look like. Covid had just appeared on the horizon, everything was very uncertain. I thought: what on earth am I going to do now? I just didn’t know anymore. I was totally depressed and completely out of it. Then you end up saying stupid things.”

The former world champion admits that losses still hit him exceptionally hard. “If I lose at a World Championship, it just feels like a loved one has died. I feel that pain throughout my whole body. Don’t ask me where it comes from.”

Despite that mental struggle, Van Barneveld has not given up his ambition. Just short of his 60th birthday, he wants to show one more time that he can still compete at the highest level. He recently joined a new management team, hoping to give his career a fresh boost.

During the conversation, host Wilfred Genee notes that Van Barneveld mainly emphasizes the negative sides of his career. When the darter describes himself as “an old dog” and says that “it’s all getting a bit less,” Genee tries to give him a different perspective. “You can also look at what is still there. That’s where it all starts. And as far as I can tell, the talent is still there, right?”

Van Barneveld acknowledges that life as a professional darter can be tough, especially after an early exit. “But it’s also a lonely life.” According to Genee, that’s precisely when negative thoughts take over. “You’re talking yourself completely into a hole.”

Van Barneveld understands that assessment and quotes a former coach. “An old coach of mine said: ‘Winners have a plan and losers have an excuse.’ And now I notice I’m sitting more and more in that loser’s seat.”

Genee responds immediately and leaves little room for doubt. “Cut it out.” Moments later he repeats his message even more firmly. “Cut it out, man. I mean it. Stop with the excuses and break that pattern.”

According to the presenter, after setbacks Van Barneveld needs to deliberately step out of that negative spiral. “You come home and you’re completely in that mode, go do something else.”

Van Barneveld says he now consciously looks for ways to clear his head. He has several collections and relaxes with a striking hobby. “I have collections and I also do Lego to unwind.”

That prompts surprise from Genee. “Lego?” “Absolutely. I’m an avid Lego collector. It’s wonderfully relaxing.”

When the conversation turns to his family, Van Barneveld’s tone shifts as well. He speaks noticeably more positively about the people around him.

“I have a wonderful wife who’s always there for me. My children and grandchildren really make me happy. So that’s all fantastic.”

Genee closes the conversation with a final piece of advice, urging Van Barneveld to focus on what he still has.

“If you hold on a bit more to happiness and your talent… That’s what matters most.”