"It makes you hate everything" - James Wade opens up about daily bipolar disorder battle in top level sport

James Wade is not only one of the most consistent darters of his generation, he is also one of the few top athletes who has been open about his mental health for years. Since his diagnosis with bipolar disorder in 2009, he has been fighting a daily battle that is often invisible to the public.

While other players celebrate their victories with pride and joy, for Wade, relief prevails after a good match. "Proud is probably not a word that would come into it really," he told the PA news agency. "When I do well, I tick my own boxes in my mind. I know I can still do it, and I still can do it. When I do what I've been doing, at times, I just stand back and I feel probably relieved, because I know I can do it."

Wade received his diagnosis at a time when he was enjoying his greatest successes athletically. Multiple major titles in a short time catapulted him to the top of professional darts, but at the same time it became clear that behind the success something was gnawing as well. Today, he has learned to deal with his condition, but the struggle remains, especially in the grueling darts life with long days, busy schedules and public expectations.

"I find it exhausting talking to a lot of people like you're expected to because sometimes I just want to sit there and be quiet," he said. "If you do that for six days, seven days, doing something that's hard work for you, which other people take for granted, it mentally just drains you.

That exhaustion can quickly turn into a negative spiral, he says. "In it you start feeling really negative about everything. It makes you hate everything around that. And it can happen that quick. I had a couple, three, four days like that, but I went fishing, came back and felt really refreshed, to be fair.

"So you know, quite lucky. It didn't go into a big valley of doom and gloom, which you can do for weeks and weeks and weeks."

Wade is a longtime ambassador for Bipolar UK, an organization dedicated to helping people with bipolar disorder. On Aug. 22, he is hosting a benefit dinner to raise money for the severely underfunded foundation. Among those attending will be Michael Smith, Gerwyn Price, songwriter Nicky Chinn and TV presenter Leah Charles-King.

"Bipolar UK is probably one of the worst funded charities. You have so many link-ons to other charities that someone's doing this for that charity, then you'll have a link on to another.

"Bipolar UK are on their own. They get nothing, which is disgusting. I'm lucky enough to have a small platform, and some people, not very many people, listen to me.

The left-handed darter hopes the openness will lead to recognition, saving lives.

"When we approach people that are known, we always ask them to talk about the illness, because they're opening more doors, making more people aware of it, not just for treatment, but also for understanding of how people are at times.

That awareness is vital, according to Wade. "The last thing you want is someone ending their life because they're having a bad day with their illness. And that happens far too often."