"When I look back at some of my games, I think, "That's not really who I am": Gian van Veen suffered crisis of confidence amid health issues

For Gian van Veen, his participation in the US Darts Masters means far more than just another tournament on the World Series of Darts circuit. Less than 18 months ago, he was walking past Madison Square Garden as a tourist during a stopover in New York. Now, he will be taking to the stage himself in one of the most famous arenas in the world. It is a moment that the Dutch world number three openly admits he could hardly have imagined.

Following a difficult period in which health problems affected both his game and his confidence, Van Veen now appears to be gradually returning to his old self. Speaking to Online Darts, he opens up about his recovery, the support he received from Michael van Gerwen, the lessons he learned from his first Premier League season, and why his main goal is simply to enjoy playing darts again.

Although Van Veen briefly visited New York last year, that trip felt very different. At the time, he was only in the city for a layover of around 30 hours. Now, during the US Darts Masters, he has the opportunity to truly experience New York while also representing the Netherlands at one of the most iconic venues in the sporting world.

"It's my second time here. Last time I was only here for about 30 hours on a layover, but now I get a bit more time to explore the city and see all the beautiful things it has to offer. Doing that while representing our sport is fantastic," said Van Veen to Online Darts.

"Walking into this iconic venue gives you goosebumps. It's fantastic to be here, representing our sport, and it's really a dream come true."

"I joked with my girlfriend yesterday when we were walking outside the venue. Last year, when I was here on that layover, I sent a picture of the venue to Jules van Dongen and said, "I think I'm six months early, aren't I?" Then, 18 months later, here we are and I'm playing here. I never imagined it, so it's definitely a dream come true."

After recent health issues, Van Veen said that teaming with Michael van Gerwen at the recent World Cup of Darts made him feel better in himself again. He admitted himself he had a poor Slovak Darts Open where he lost early on. But going into MSG, he is happy and content.

"I think the World Cup of Darts really gave me the boost I needed. Even though we didn't win it, I really enjoyed my time playing with Michael. I played well, Michael played well, and afterwards on the floor events I made my first quarter-final of the season.

"It's about time, but things are getting better. The European Tour was a bit tricky this weekend, but I'm feeling in a much better place right now and hopefully I can do some damage on the board again."

"As I said before the tournament, I knew it would be different playing with Michael. I thought I'd feel a lot more pressure than I actually did.

"The first game was a bit tricky, but after that I felt really comfortable on stage playing with him. It's been a while since I'd felt comfortable on stage, so it definitely gave me a massive boost going into the rest of the season and I think I really needed that."

But despite that, he is having issues with his darts that he needs to tweak so that is hindering him as of late. "I've been struggling lately, so I don't think it's the right time to be switching darts too much. The black darts are being tweaked and the changes should arrive soon, so I'll probably give them a go at home.

"But we'll just see how it goes. I don't have any plans to change next week, the week after or even in the coming months. As long as I feel more comfortable with these darts than the black ones, I'll stick with these."

Reflecting on his Premier League campaign, he said that it taught him a lot also when it came to managing his schedule and that in theory he thought it'd be simpler than it was despite knowing what he was in for in reality.

"I expected it, but when you're actually in it, you realise how different it is compared to previous years.

"I don't mind the travelling, but especially in the Premier League you're playing the best players in the world every week. You're going to lose more games and that does something to your confidence. I really felt that in the Players Championships and European Tour events afterwards. It's been a massive learning curve, but I still look back on it positively. Right now I'm in a good place and I feel confident about my game, so I think it's going to help me become a better player."

While MVG and Van Veen are anchor the sport in Holland, there has been a real rise with Wessel Nijman, Niels Zonneveld and Kevin Doets among others producing incredible displays over the course of this season.

"Especially since Michael's dominance around 2016 and 2017, I don't think Dutch darts has been in a better place than it is right now.

"Wessel is dominating on the floor and on the European Tour. We haven't had a major for a couple of months, so it's difficult to judge that side of things, but he's playing phenomenally and I think he's going to do very well in the majors. Dutch darts is in a really good place at the moment."

But he isn't adding grand aims when it comes to this upcoming rest of the season, he said that in reality he just wants to enjoy playing. "I've enjoyed travelling and I've enjoyed playing over the last few months, but when I look back at some of my games, I think, "That's not really who I am."

"I became much more emotional after games, especially after losing, and that's something I want to change. I want to be the same person I was six or eight months ago and that's the main goal. If I'm enjoying myself and playing well, the wins will come. That's the main goal and I think I'm heading in the right direction now."

An image of Van Veen and Humphries hugging after the World Cup final also stirred up debate and he said that there is no animosity between the pair. "I think because of what happened on social media the week after, people started thinking we weren't friends anymore or something.

"But every time we saw each other, everything was okay. Even before that incident, we'd say hello and ask how each other was doing, and that stayed exactly the same afterwards.

"We had a quick chat in Copenhagen and then at the World Cup he was simply the better player in the final. I congratulated him and everything was okay. It always has been between us, but I think it's nice that everyone who watched that final knows that now as well.

"For him, for the media, but also for me. Especially because I wasn't playing very well after that and people kept going back to that moment. I knew that was always going to happen, but now everything's done and I can focus on my own game again."