"I was sitting in the car and I was crying" – Martin Schindler opens up about self-doubt and the lowest point of his career

Martin Schindler, Germany’s number one and currently ranked 15th in the world, has firmly established himself among the elite in recent years. But the path there was anything but straightforward. In PDC referee Huw Ware’s podcast Tops & Tales, the 29-year-old offered deep insights into his pro journey — speaking unusually candidly about self-doubt, mental low points, and what may have been the most important phase of his career.

Schindler’s first years on the Pro Tour between 2017 and 2021 were marked by learning — especially on the mental side. After earning a Tour Card for the first time via Q-School in 2017, the setback came at the end of 2020: the loss of his professional license. In hindsight, Schindler calls this phase decisive for his development.

“Yeah, definitely. I needed to learn a lot of things,” Schindler said. “I was fighting with myself through the feeling of, do I belong here or do I not? And I was really fighting with myself back in those days, and yeah, I managed to get myself through that.”

Looking back, he now sees unexpected value in that setback. “Honestly, it was a good help that I lost my tour card at the end of 2020.”

Losing his Tour Card was a heavy blow. “Obviously, it wasn’t a good feeling,” Schindler admitted. “I was trying till the very last minute to make sure that I’m not going to lose my tour card. But yeah, sometimes you cannot avoid the unavoidable.”

Ahead of Q-School 2021, Schindler made a conscious decision to remove pressure from himself entirely. “I said to myself, honestly, when there was Q-School 2021, you will give it a try. And if it works, it works. If it doesn’t, it doesn’t,” he explained. “That’s how I really thought. That’s how I really went into this whole thing.”

That mindset proved pivotal, as Schindler not only regained his Tour Card but laid the foundations for the player he would soon become.

Despite losing his professional status, Schindler never saw Q-School as a last chance. “I would have never cut out the possibility that you can go back into that,” he said. “I was relaxing myself, saying, if you can’t do it this year, maybe you can do it next year.”

Crucially, he avoided framing the situation as all-or-nothing. “I wasn’t pressurising myself that you have to do it now, because otherwise you won’t have any option,” he explained. “I would have found my way. I would have found any other option.”

Winning his Tour Card back proved decisive. “Like I said, I won it back — and still then, everything has happened.”

Schindler described the mental strain of 2020 in stark terms. “In the end of 2020, like I played, won one game, then lost — the whole day just felt horrible,” he recalled. Today, he says, he can cope with those situations far better.

At the time, however, his thoughts were spiralling. “My head was just running — running to Wolverhampton, running to Birmingham, running to London. So my thoughts were just going berserk.”

Yet it was precisely during those moments that Schindler believes he grew the most. “These are the days, the moments, I think I’ve grown the most, because I was able to learn from them so much,” he said. “Because when you’re doubting yourself, this is where you find your own improvement. And I needed to learn even that.”

Schindler did not shy away from describing just how deeply that period affected him. “Honestly, even to the viewers, I don’t care — I was crying,” he revealed. “I was sitting in the car and I was crying because I wanted to do so much better in the end of 2020 or in the middle of 2020, but I couldn’t. I just couldn’t.”

One match in particular remains vivid in his memory — against Glen Durrant. “He wasn’t playing good. He was playing about 83. I couldn’t stand a chance. I didn’t even be there,” Schindler recalled.

Afterwards, the frustration spilled over. “I was at the parking lot outside and I was just sitting in the car, crying, because why couldn’t I play better?” But even that moment became part of his education. “Sometimes you cannot avoid these things and you need to fight through them.”

Looking back, Schindler sees Q-School 2021 as the true turning point. “If there was a tournament which changed things, it definitely was the Q-School of 2021, because I came back so good and I played so good,” he said. “And I proved myself — and that’s the most important.”

Now, four years on, the perspective has changed dramatically. “Definitely this Q-School has changed my life,” Schindler reflected. “So I’m really, really thankful that I’ve lost my tour card.”

Those experiences — the doubt, the tears, and the hard lessons — have shaped the player he is today. And perhaps that explains why Martin Schindler now sits comfortably among the world’s elite, not only as Germany’s number one, but as a top 16 player on the PDC circuit.