"Sometimes I thought what the f*ck am I doing here?" - Honest Michael van Gerwen admits mental struggles in recent seasons
PDC
Michael van Gerwen returns to action on Thursday night for the latest round of the 2024 Premier League Darts looking to secure a record-breaking fourth weekly win in a row.
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Things haven't always gone so well for the mighty Dutchman in recent seasons however, as he reflected in an honest interview with Online Darts. "This year I have a lot to defend," he admits. "But also, if you look at the way how I'm playing now compared to last year, I think I'm playing 80% better than last year so I think I can do a lot better this year."
"I played okay last year. I was good in a few tournaments, poor in a few tournaments, so you need to find the right balance for yourself," van Gerwen continues. "There's a lot more to get from me and I know that so there's pressure on my shoulders but I'm looking at it tournament by tournament this year."
This view of the year marks something of a significant switch in mindset for van Gerwen. "Last year I didn't enjoy the Premier League. I won three nights but I didn't enjoy it and when you don't want to be there, you're only going to work against yourself," he says. "I love to play on the stage, I love to do what I do but I needed to change my mindset."
Van Gerwen also feels his mindset wasn't in the right place on the Pro Tour last year. "I wasn't there with the right intent. I was there because I have to be there. Now, I want to perform well and that's different," he reveals. "Sometimes I thought what the fuck am I doing here? Everyone needs a reality check or a little slap on the bum."
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Kieran WoodDarts Journalist
Kieran Wood is a sports journalist based in Wales and has been active in journalism since 2022. He contributes to DartsNews.com, where he covers professional darts through news, match reports, analysis, and live coverage across the PDC calendar and major tournaments.
A key part of his work is on-site reporting from leading events. Kieran has covered the PDC World Darts Championship in person, reporting daily from the venue and providing first-hand insight from the tournament. During his coverage, he has conducted interviews with leading players including Luke Littler, Luke Humphries, and Gerwyn Price.
He is also one of the leading voices of the English-language Dartsnews Podcast, contributing regular analysis and discussion on developments across the professional darts circuit.
In his reporting, Kieran places strong emphasis on careful sourcing, editorial accuracy, and updating articles when new, verified information becomes available.
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- I believe he has it in him to qualify for the Worlds as he consistently wins matches, even if it is only one or two at a time, although his recent PC quarter-final run was somewhat encouraging in that regard. I think there is a lot of pressure for him to retire, people in the media accusing him of tarnishing his legacy. I think that is a ridiculous line of thinking. How ungrateful it is to attach terms and conditions to the amazing moments he has provided us over the course of his career. What position are we in to dictate to him how he should manage his career when it is he who achieved those successes in the first place? What's more, this is his life and the passion that sustains it, it is not for us to decide when his career is over when it is he who must bear the genuine ramifications of that decision. Since I'm sure money is not a concern, the only question on which the decision should rest is whether he truly continues to enjoy competing. He has retired once before, but the desire to compete is what brought him back. We see a lot of negative body language and he does genuinely look miserable when he is not playing well, but only he will know when he wakes up the next day whether he wants to go and do it all over again. If he wants to compete, he should, it's as simple as that, this is a decision that should not involve anyone else but him and his family. He should not retire to indulge the whims of the media or the public. What satisfaction would he receive by being forced into retirement? What closure would it bring to such a brilliant career? When Phil Taylor decided to retire, his decision was final and resolute. I believe RvB needs to get to this point himself, no matter how many 70 averages it might take. We see the likes of John Part continue to compete on a regular basis well past his prime, I say more power to him, and who knows, further glory could be around the corner, it's darts after all, you just never know. Sometimes I worry that RvB is acutely aware of the clamour for him to retire and that this pressure may even have an impact on his performances as he begins to question whether there is even a place for him in darts anymore, further compounding his poor form and creating a vicious loop. Perhaps to take his future into his own hands would provide him with a levity and freedom that would lend itself to better performances, not to mention an improved wellbeing. In any case, it is under these conditions that one can clear-headedly and definitively settle an issue so profound as retirement, not when you feel you're being rushed out the door. If his performances can no longer sustain his presence on the tour, so be it; as it stands his card seems safe for this year but is in serious jeopardy next year. He could always allow himself to drop off the tour naturally rather than forfeiting his place in the top 64, this could provide a sense of finality while offering a route back through Q-School if he so desired; after all, he's done it before. In conclusion, I just hope that RvB can play - or not play - for his own sake, rather than anyone else's, so that when the time comes he can be in no doubt as to his decision, leaving no lingering questions, so that he can reflect with no regret or uncertainty on the marvelous career he has had.Deduce635826-09-2026
- Luke Littler has been good for the sport of darts, no question. But he is not above it. For his sake and ours, he needs to be put in his place sometimes, rather than having his every whim catered to. That is not how you build a good person nor a good sporting organisation, and it's beginning to have consequences.Deduce635826-09-2026
- Extremely disappointing decision. It used to be that, along with major events and Euro Tours, the Players Championship series constituted one of three standards against which successful darts players could be measured, one of three challenges every successful darts player should be expected to master to consider themself among the elite. Now they are dead weight in the darting calendar, and player turnout and the standard of competitiveness will reflect that. The truth is that Luke Littler and other big names would rather play lucrative exhibitions than put in the hard graft that being a successful dart player requires. It undermines the authority of the PDC and the game in general. So what do they do about it? Give them exactly what they want. Of course, why wouldn't they? They are their star attractions. It is ironic that an organisation formed in protest by the sport's elite should be undermined and disrespected by their contemporary equivalents, but the PDC had a chance to stand up to them with a firm message: play 2 events all year and expect the final to be played without you. Instead, they caved in. These events will be hardly worth playing anymore and this decision may have grave consequences for the future of floor events at the elite level. Some may say the calendar is overstuffed, yet these elite players have more than enough time to play plenty of exhibitions. The Premier League in particular is gruelling, but busy players are not expected to play every event, they are expected to manage their playing schedule carefully in order to apportion their time and energy appropriately. Clayton and Humphries, for instance, both sit in the top 20 of the Players Championship and European orders of merit, in addition to competing in the Premier League; they have proven it is absolutely possible and this change is an insult to their efforts in effectively managing their calendars. I think we are seeing players who simply think they are too good for Pro Tour events, arrogance which should be punished rather than rewarded as we are seeing here. Furthermore, why should success in Euro Tours qualify you for the Players Championship Final? The PDC are blurring the lines between those three disciplines of darting excellence, and in so doing destabilising the very foundations upon which the organisation and its success is built. Some may say I'm overreacting, but this, in addition to the PDC's subservience and snivelling obsequiousness toward their biggest assets, makes me fear for the future of professional darts.Deduce635826-09-2026
- I guess this will mean the top players will turn up even less? Taken all the excitement of qualifying away I think. Wish they made it top 32 to qualify and the finals to last all week.Baphomet26-09-2026
- Great article - but not written by this site. It's taken wholesale from last Sunday's Observer with this interview published online on Saturday.Scoobedybop22-09-2026
- Such sad and pathetic little losers giving abuse to young woman for any reason, let alone who she is in a relationship with. Go Beau! An absolute star and comes across as a genuinely nice and kind person. Wish her nothing but the best.BandB22-09-2026
- I wouldn't mind if he quit now to be honest. He's not bigger than darts. Let's face it without darts he'd just be a normal fat gamer kid.medinabello22-09-2026
- You know,I said this,in a sentence,not 5 paragraphs!!rick6721-09-2026
- Oh dear,he lost. Well any competitive sport runs the risk of defeat. He is, currently,his own worst enemy. Wind the crowd up,and you get it back bigger. Put your dummy in kidrick6721-09-2026
- Does an exhibition count in the clean sweep though?BandB21-09-2026
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