Adrian Lewis admits he was 'like a ghost' towards end of PDC career: "I found it hard to get myself up for games"

For around two years, things have remained relatively quiet around Adrian Lewis. But now, the two-time world champion, who was once considered one of the most talented darters in the world, is nearing his long-awaited comeback. In May, 'Jackpot' will make his return to competitive action on the MODUS Super Series

In a candid interview with The Guardian, the 40-year-old Englishman looks back on the difficult period that made him decide to step down. Lewis, who as mentioned, was among the absolute best in the world for many years, admits that he had simply lost his passion for the sport. “I was leaving the house, not enjoying it. Even when I was winning I wasn’t enjoying it," he explains honestly. "I was basically just going through the motions. Like a ghost. Winning, losing, I wasn’t fussed."

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According to Lewis, this feeling had been playing out for some time. "It had been building, probably, for 18 months. I’m sitting there at the Pro Tours thinking I don’t want to be there. Before I’ve even thrown my first dart. Something’s got to change here," he recalls. “I was missing something. My ability had never been in question. But my mindset, that was my big bugbear. I found it hard to get myself up for games, even if was against Michael van Gerwen or Phil Taylor. I dunno It’s weird. You just go into your shell. You don’t feel like your normal self. I can be more of a glass-half-empty guy, a bit frustrated at times. And then sometimes you go out there and you’re trying too hard. It’s weird.”

Lewis points to the enormous mental strength a darter must have to perform at the highest level. He recalls a wise lesson from his mentor Phil Taylor, 16-time world champion and an icon in the sport. “I remember once in the early days I was in the players’ room with Phil, looking round, and Phil says: ‘You know, some of the people in here are the mentally strongest people you’ll ever meet in your life,'" Lewis says. “And I thought, you what? I thought he was joking. But as time goes by I started to realise he was right. Any little doubt that creeps into your mind, and that dart will not go where you want it to go. It hardens you.”

Phil Taylor acted as a mentor in the early part of Adrian Lewis' career

His decision to temporarily stop had to do not only with the sport, but also with personal circumstances. The health of his wife, who has an incurable kidney disease, and daughter played a major role. "It’s basically spongy kidney. So even if she has operations, the stones start coming back. Lots of appointments to see how they’re progressing. Sometimes she’ll be in hospital for two weeks at a time. They reckon by the time she’s 40, she’ll be on dialysis. We just crack on with it. That’s all we can do.”

During his break, Lewis closely followed developments within the darts world. In particular, the rise of 17-year-old phenom Luke Littler impressed him, although he sees someone else as the best player in the world. “Yeah, for a young lad he’s [Littler] got a great head on his shoulders, I just hope the media can give him a bit of a break," Lewis analyes. "But I honestly think Luke Humphries, the real No 1, is a great flag bearer for the sport. Just the way he comes across and conducts himself.”

His participation in the MODUS Super Series is just the first step. If his performance is good enough and the enjoyment of the game returns, Lewis is not ruling out a serious comeback at the highest level. “There’s no good me going straight back into it and then after six months thinking, ‘nah, that’s me done’ and retiring. I want to do it properly. I want to enjoy the winning feeling again,” concludes 'Jackpot'.

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