Noa-Lynn van Leuven contemplated ending her darts career: "It's very difficult when people suddenly think something of you without having any influence"

Noa-Lynn van Leuven has been a topic of conversation throughout the darts world over the past year. In an interview with NPO Radio 2 DJ Carolien Borgers, she talks about this difficult period, and her journey as a trans darter.

Many people have an opinion about Van Leuven being a transgender female on the PDC circuit. As a result, the Dutch dart star has had a lot thrown at her recently. Something that has not always been easy. "It's very difficult when people suddenly think something of you without having any influence," she began her story. "Everything is made very big by the media. It's obviously a hot topic, it's sensational and that has done a lot to me. People think something about it and it's very easy to think something (about trans people). If you do anything at all, something is made of it in the news, and that's just annoying."

When asked when she began to develop her talent, she says it was actually only after her transition. "I used to be able to play darts reasonably well, but I was never happy. Darts is a very mental game and if you are mentally messed up then you are never going to be really good. After my transition I started to feel better and happier mentally which did make me play better darts."

Some say it is unfair for Van Leuven to be active in the PDC as a transwoman. Something she herself disagrees with. "It is a bit similar to people who say 'you should really be able to be yourself and I wish everyone all the luck in the world'. But the moment you become successful then all of a sudden it's done."

It was only in the period after the Dutch became successful that this manifested itself within the PDC circuit. "It actually started when my two former teammates on the Dutch team didn't want to play darts with me anymore because they were embarrassed to be on a team with a biological man. I was at a tournament in England at the time and then I got a lot of nasty things thrown at me."

When asked if she has hesitated to continue, she is clear. "Definitely! It's not easy to suddenly become the centre of attention because of what you actually really enjoy doing," she replies. "If you end up not enjoying that anymore because you know of 'Okay if I go to that tournament there will be 'judging' again and people will think something of me again anyway."

"It's been a very tough year and it's still very tough, I'm definitely not yet where I was or where I want to be. But I keep going and I still really enjoy the game. Only now I'm trying to get fun out of it in a different way." She does this by attending tournaments that she herself enjoys. "For example, the Challenge Tour of the PDC. That is a mixed tournament and you are between all men, ladies, former world champions and former Tour Card holders. You really get better from that and also learn a lot."

The mental aspect has also made a big impression on the Dutch dart star's game. "It actually all started after I got a really big elevation in my career. I won a really nice tournament on the Challenge Tour, then two more Women Series titles and then my level pretty much plummeted," she concluded. "When I arrive at a tournament I know I'm being watched, I know I'm being talked about. I know people think something of me and that's very hard to deal with."

Van Leuven also stresses that her transition is not the reason why she is now performing at her current level: "I do a lot for it. I train every day, I put a lot of time and energy into it and also a lot of money by traveling to all the tournaments to get up to speed. I just really, really want to get better."

She was also asked if she thinks men and women should be able to play mixed in the future. "I think that's a bit double," she begins. "You notice that now that women's darts is separate there are more women darting, so you also notice that that whole top is getting broader. There are more and more women who can throw toward 90 average. I think that really does give a boost to women's darts so I think it's good that that's there. However, I also think it's good that there are open tournaments to be able to compete with each other."

So how does she envision her ideal future? "I never started playing darts to be the center of anything. I don't really like attention at all either. I'm quite an introverted type, but I really like the fact that I can now mean something to other trans people by still showing my visibility. I used to need and look up to those people. I just want to be able to do what I want to do: play darts."